Eye to Eye

Wonder what Jesus eyes are

Oh Savior of the world

What color are your eyes 

Are they blue as the seas 

You spoke on

Giving lessons for us 

To lean on

Oh Savior, Son of the Father

Eyes you sees through you

Green as trees 

You spoke about bearing fruit

What color are they?

Oh Savior with children

On your lap

Did your eyes twinkle?

As those precious children

Tell you the stories of their best friends

A spark lighting your eyes

Reaching your smile

Oh Precious Savior

Oh Savior child

Mary's son

Who traveled over the desert

To be born you in the stable

Are your eyes brown

As the sand under your mother's feet

When she walked 

With Her Lord, Your Father

Oh Savior nailed to the cross

With tears in your eyes

Asking for our forgiveness

Did you lose your sparkle?

That decorated your eye

While you gave up your life

What color were your eyes?

Red from tears 

Did your eyes brighten up

Oh Savior ascending in front of eyes

Out of the empty tomb

Jesus, Are your eyes Hazel?

Reflecting ourselves back at us

Sparkles hints

Sea of blue, green as the trees

And brown of sand

Peeking out in the sparkles

As you look upon us

Oh Savior, heart full of love

What color are your eyes?

For it is all about you

Guess we won't know 

The eye color of you, the Savior

Until You invite me

Into the Golden Gates

Seeing you Face to Face

Eye to Eye

Valentine Little Debbie's Cakes

So the year is coming to the end, Christmas has only pasted a few days ago. Guess what...I saw in Walmart today?? I spied little Debbie's "be mine" cakes in their red, pink, and white glory. The Christmas cakes just ran out in clearance section and the Valentine cakes are in their place. Go up a few aisles and half of one side of the candy section, I spied heart covered red, pink, and white candy bags and boxes. Thankfully that is the only places I spotted that in the store.

Everything in the stores and around us is about moving into the future. Think about the future what are you planning for the next day. I have never seen the movie, Click. From what I have gathered from people who have watched it is Adam S.'s character used this magic clicker (he gets somewhere) to fast forward, pause, and slow down parts of his life. He fast forwards to get a promotion after promotion. When the climate hit he realized everything he missed on by fast forwarding with his family.Where he lost all of them. I am not sure how the movie ends but I would not be surprised if he got to rewind his life and change it.  

That is... the beauty and power of movies. In the fictional world there is a chance to go back. For us there is no chance to go back. There is a question that is posed on some of the Asian dramas I watch. "What you would do if you could begin your life again?" Those questions always perplexed me for you can change something about your life now.  

A life cannot begin again with Jesus Christ and you cannot start from the very beginning. There is a warning in Jesus teachings that is not to worry in Matthew 6:34 about not worrying about the future.  Days can be spent thinking about the future wasting the perfectly good day now.

As you start the new year create a goal whether its giving up pop or soda, giving up sweets, or start reading the bible everyday. 

Take it one day at a time. 

Shopping for gifts

Brothers and Sisters,

It has been a while since I posted and I have many things running through my mind. I apologize ahead of time for some scatters. A lot of stuff happening in the world around us in the last few days with Christmas so near and year drawing to a close. 

A Food for thought: "...because the Bible says so and not because we (Christians) or Phil Robertson says so" --Karen Scism

The days till Christmas are 4 or 3 days away. Earlier this Friday evening, I was walking through Madel's looking for ideas for gifts and things were popping out at me.  The 'things' were not gift ideas but things I felt compelled to get and read.
Books like

• Bible in America by :with everything that is going on in this country from the ever-changing Obamacare, the social rampage of Social groups and the entire too silent Christian community 
• 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary:  The desire that fills me everyday to understand the people around me. I want to read all the 5 love languages books but this sparked my interest more than others. The future is unknown but learning these would prepare a heart for others.
• God has a plan for your life: Embracing Change by Freeman-Smith: For the last year or so this has been my theme through out my life and trying to make a sense of the plan from day to day. 
• He Walks Among Us: Encounters with Christ in a Broken World by Richard Stearns:  this book hit closer to home for it is a Photography along with stories a grappling sense. Things like this inspire me. 
• Kissing Kate: A story of rentless love and redemption by Katie Davis: Real life stories inspiring us to move.
• The Lamb's Agenda by Samuel R.:  

These are some of the books that popped out of me for my reading list in the future that will help shape me. 

In Christ's Love, 

Evynn

Brother...? Sister.....?

A dog pile of Christianity brotherly love. 

What happened to calling each other brothers and sisters in Christ! A new way I have been looking at those boys in church and body of Christ, not as prospective date. Some one pointed out to me that I needed to look at them as God's Creatures and Brothers in Christ. For that is what they are. When you start looking at them that way you can start a deeper relationship not only in a worldly way but spiritual one as well. 

A relationship to comfort, support, and hold each other in the walk and body of Christ. 

A giant group hug of my brothers and sisters.
I love these kids.

 I am in a time in my life where I am changing my thinking. The crushes I have liked is not the ones I like now.... Really I am not crushing on anyone. For it is a process into thinking about these boys I see everyday but don't really interact with as brothers. However I have always been friends is family person. If you were my friend then you are like my brother or sister.

Picture taken by Heather Blevins
June 2011

 Isn't this how God wants us to be? Calling each other "Brother Smith" and "Sister Smith." Our older brothers, elders, professors call us younger siblings... brother and sister.  I believe and could bet that God smiles every time these older siblings call us "brother or sister"

My daddy is my brother in Christ and he is already with the Lord asking his questions. When a sibling is struggling we are told/ called to help them, embrace them and to be God's hands and feet to our brothers. Before I was even baptized into the family, brothers and sisters wrote stories about my dad and put together books for my siblings and me.

Sisters then and sisters now through Christ sat with me at my dad's funeral an personal relationship of sisters. I know there is a time when that you ever needed something another has lifted you up.

Why can't we call brother and sister giving us a reminder of our journey does not stop here. Our Journey leads to the gold finish line.

Now, Brothers and Sisters? Are you going to call some one brother in this new blood family through Christ?

Sister Heather surrounded by kids we love.

When to start Christmas???

This is to all your naysayers or Christmas early birds,

I go to college and there have been debates on when Christmas should start before or after Thanksgiving. This is my opinion that I have formed over my three years of college. 

Living at College is a whole another realm that is not the real world.... Christmas is at the end of the month in December giving us a month to focus on wonderful holiday with our loved ones and being thankful. For the College world this has to start in November to get the full effect of the month. 

The first week of November or so the Bridge office at OC puts up their little fake tree. So the students can enjoy it for the month before we break for the winter holiday. At least at my college, Oklahoma Christian when I get back from thanks giving I have less than two weeks till finals.  So the students are finishing projects and studying for finals and have no time to enjoy the wonderful holiday. 

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful for what God has given to us and one of those things is Christ who was born and died for our sin. I am not saying forget about this wonderful holiday that starts our sugar coma part of the year. While celebrating it we can hang our lights and sing our carols to celebrate a month of Christmas with our loved ones at college.

I was once a naysayer like some of the debaters, however, I didn't start debates with every person who wants to start early.  It was not until I arrived at OC and encountered the wonderful space of the Bridge office and it's staff. This was my freshman year. I was there when they set up the tree in the first week of November. 

The Bridge office has a tradition this tradition is an ornament exchange for any one who brings one and settle it on the tree. Later, during finals week you can come select another ornament off the tree and take it home. 

Also during the month you can walk into the office and there will be Christmas music playing. One of my favorite mentors counts the days till Christmas starting the day after.  I would walk in my freshman year in October with a countdown till Christmas. I enjoyed this time with the Bridge office celebrating before the month began. 

This does not mean that they forget Thanksgiving it is quite the opposite. Every year on the week of Thanksgiving they hold a lunch for all the professors and mentors that help out with the program, thanking them. 

We are called to give God thanksgiving everyday. Especially on Sunday's when we fellowship in Christ death and Resurrection.  Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 10:16, "Is not the cup of thanksgiving for which we give thanks a participation in the blood of Christ? And is not the bread that we break a participation in the body of Christ?" (NIV).  

American traditions is time for family and friends getting together. The story goes that this comes from the pilgrims and Indians came together to eat in thanksgiving. Ironic, that they eat together before the fighting and killing went on, friends turned enemies.  Thanksgiving is eating turkey, pumpkin pie, and pecan pie (not me but I am special) and this year I am going to Bob Bob's and Grandma's so I am going to watch the football games. 

I know that this is not going to change anybody idea of Christmas or when it should be celebrated. This is an argument for us college kids who want to celebrate with our loved ones on campus before the craziness of finals began. I certainly will not be in the Christmas spirit when finals come around. 

In the college realm:

• YOU college NAYSAYERS: just let the early birds have their fun. The spirit of Christmas should be celebrated early if their time for it. Thanksgiving is not one day of the year but everyday. 

• EARLY BIRDS:  have fun but don't be thankful the things you have. Because it is a Wonderful life!

REAL WORLD: It may be a bit to early start the day before thanksgiving, unless you put just your lights up before it gets cold and the freeze hits. The Rhema Bible church would working on their lights close to fall breaks. 

WMW: Assignment

This was an assignment for my Biblical Misson class and I thought I would post it. There is so more to say about this weekend.

"I cannot choose just one class to talk about my dwelling in the world so my context is Saturday of the World Mission Workshop or mostly God showing me his plan. Background Friday of this story is as people from WMW came through to the caf they would pass by the Wishing Well booth. There was a guy that asked where we drilling, I told him mostly Rwanda. His reply was what about Kenya if he already had a drill as he walked into the caf. Back to Saturday morning, the first class I attended was the Woman in missions. I learned that for a woman most of the mission was to be a sacrifice. The woman said one of my favorite things that ‘a picture is worth a thousand words even with children’. This touched me for I have felt compelled by children that where my mission lies.

After that class I was headed to Spiritual growth in mission however end up in the South African class instead. After I attended that class I went to the Christian Relief Foundation and the guy from Friday, Bobby Moore was sitting at the booth. We got to talking and I heard God giving me a solution to my second journal about Wishing Well. Bobby told that one man had given 100,000 dollars to fund half of twenty Wells and all they had to do was find orginaztions to raise the money. This was the goal that I had been waiting on for Wishing Well. He gave me his card and two information sheet about CRF: one was hope for water and the other was about different mission trips they have planning to go. My mind was racing as I was hearing and seeing the work of God. God is a God of chances, he is an encourage and loves using the shy to work his way up. During the 11 am Keynote I could not sit still my mind was racing. I was spazzing out; surrounding me was my two dear friends, Dottie and Mike, that I made last year at the GME.

I thought of specific ideas to start raising money for the cause that would line up to God plan. As I contuined to think about it I realized what God was mainly saying, the job for me in this plan. He was telling me to step up and become the director of Wishing Well the OC chapter or at least one of them. I hate being in front of people. One friend compared me to Moses which is very true, I don’t like going in front of someone and being in charge.  This became clear to me during the rest of the day. When I went to the last class on dispora and listening to what the students from African countries work and send some of the money back home for their families. I revisited the  CRF booth and talked to him once more and he gave me a city that I could research, that would be our city to make a well and a shirt for free. I had asked him if in the trip to Kenya I would get to see the well being made or done.

My cousin is Ryan Groves the Wishing Well guy. He had told me to meet his friend Phoenix. When I met Phoenix he wanted to hear about me as I walked him to the bus for feed the children. He also invited me to dinner with the Pepperdine crew and the ACU recruiter. Later that night as I was riding in the van on the way to dinner I mentioned how I didn’t want to take over…but I felt like that is what God was telling me to do.  Phoenix said, I should do it because I shouldn’t tell God no. Jessi added in that I might get swallowed by a whale. That made me smile. I guess I have to be like Moses and find my Aaron so I can follow God’s will in this context. Wishing Well has always been tied to my heart since I heard about it and saw the picture of the boy they met. I have to take it one day at a time with God on my side."

Forever will be changed

In Luke 1:46-48, 76 And Mary said:“My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.From now on all generations will call me blessed, And you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him,

There was a girl who left the states for the first time. On a mission trip to Ukraine. While she was there she attend two lady days where her wiser  elders from her church were giving a lessons. Between the second last and the last speaker the women that had come with the girl got up to sing.

The song is based off the verses above. This song was the next speaker favorite song. The girl watched the faces of the Ukrainian women, they were singing to. The girl remembered those women from the church and that song became a symbol of this beloved place.

Forever she will be changed.

Months later, the girl runs from the song because she doesn't want to tear up. Every time she heard the song it would remind her of the ladies, kids, friends and the church that she met. A pierce in her heart tattooed with the names.

My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,

She got to go the next year. The vbs were in two different cities in the last year. She could feel the need in these cities. It was different than the first year she felt needed.  She grew learned what she wanted to do.

Forever she will be changed.

Her plans changed the next year. She didn't get to go but she kept learning. There was a pain in her heart through the times when her friends went over.  She missed her kids that she had learned to love in a short week.

Through this summer at home she learned more things about herself. She also found another need she felt compelled to go and return the next year to this new opportunity. The summer of being home she learned the story of Jesus in a way that she has never seen before. A drama production for her church vbs she took the steps and got to follow Jesus.  She came more aware of the price he paid and why.

for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.

Forever she will be changed.

Now she waiting to find the plan. Asking for the plans that's going to keep her on this journey. Recently she was at a devo and she prayed for answer to a new revelation in her life and what she should do. What should she do in the time for summer? What His plan was for her? The very next song draw tears to her eyes for it was the song that reminds her of her loved ones in Ukraine. The memories flow back as she looks up and ask Really? to the space above her.  She started to sing with power and praise as a prayers answer is starting to be revealed.

Forever she will be changed.

This girl is me. I am this girl. Forever I will be changed. From these I have done. I still do not know what I am going to do. The song still strikes a string with me as if I was a bass being played. Forever I will be changed for I have a Father who is transforming me into a person that I need to be. So when he shows me what he wants me to do. My goal is for God to use me to bless others.

From now on all generations will call me blessed

Mary was blessed in the eyes of the Lord and all the followers of Christ.

A Dabble into politics

I'm not huge person into talking about politics but I love listening to others opinions. When I can avoid watching the news I do. Lately I have been paying more attention. 

I've grown up in a house that has Fox News on most of the day since we got cable. Tonight, I was laying on my mom's bed listening to Huckabee for back ground noise when a young woman named Ashley D came on. She is little older than me.  She has gone to school for two different degrees and hasn't found a well paying full time job. Recently she signed up looking to see what her plan would be in Obamacare. The plan would cost three times as much as she has been paying. She isn't even able to keep her plan at the price she was paying. That plan is also going to triple in cost.  A Facebook post she wrote went viral as she described that her generation is "getting raped by the government" on Huckabee she clarified that she meant that it "raped" as in "stolen". 

The way she used this language struck me. Towards the ending of her interview she said that "The government has set us up for failure." Here is a girl that has worked hard getting her degree and now she competing for a job that she is more than qualified for. She almost has no option to make her dreams come true.  What does that mean for the rest of us still in college? 

 From the nation of the free where dreams WERE made true. The government is shut down. Students are getting suspended from schools because of no tolerance

rules against things that look like guns.  FEAR is causing a ruckus in this country.  Each government official doing something that ends up holding some one else back. 

Congress slightly reminds me of the Tower of Babel. Not understanding each other and conflicting views so they can't complete a task.  Trying to raise the debt limit but can't even agree on having to do this. 

The world sets itself for failure. One reason I avoid the news is to avoid the anger and worry of the country failing.  

A reality that I have to remember as a Christian that God has a plan for me and the country.  Jeremiah 29:11-14 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.” 

Plus the best part is that this world is not where I have to stay. A comfort I have found is singing "this world is not my home" in my mind. 

I am not some one who pays attention to the politics or the current news. This is my opinion of the things happening. I am praying for a better tomorrow and that is the only thing going to make a difference. Praying for God to guide the leaders to make the right decisions. 

Bunco for a higher cause

Fall break has started. I have been able to rest and catch up on sleep so far. After a day of spending my mom's day off eating out and shopping.

I attend the Tulsa's chapter of OCWA's bunco night. I really enjoy bunco (a game of luck) and I also thought it would be for future peers of Oklahoma Christian Scholarships. The last time I played was my senior year of high school at an annual Christmas party that I had been attending since middle school.

There is 7 tables and I started at table 6. When the games started my table was had been Ms. Lynn, one woman small elderly lady wearing a jean jacket, Ms. N., and elderly black lady who supported herself with a cane, Ms. D. My partner for the first game was going to be Ms. N. She hadn't played since last year. While Ms. D was a first time player.

Ms. N was this sweet hearted old lady who touched my heart. The first game in rolling 1's was a L on my score sheet. (In the game of Bunco you mark down what games you win or lose on a score sheet for the chance to win bigger prizes.)   After losing I move a seat over and meet my next partner and win with the 2's.

Moving up to table 5, fast forwarding I fell into a pattern of winning and losing every other round. I met a lady who is the mother of a sweet boy that I have the pleasure to babysit every Wednesday mornings for the women bible studies.

 I met another woman, she was blonde with glasses, who asked what I was going to school for and discussed the OC Lectureship that she had attended earlier week. Later in the night I would learn that she was friends with my first partner, Ms. N, of the night. They attend church and the bunco night together. At the times that we were at the same table she was asked questions about how many mission trips I had been on.

By the end of the night I was sitting at the head table with Ms. N. and as she was rolling she had rolled a bunco without knowing it. That was most likely the quickest round of the whole night. Since I was paired up with her I got to stay at the head table.

Ms. N would roll and say, "Too many dots" if she rolled high numbers on a round when low ones are needed or "Not enough dots" if low were rolled on high rounds. She caught my attention because of the fact that she was very sweet but also forgetful. She was playing for the pure fun of the night and she told her fiend that she did not care if she didn't tally it up right. She was just happy if they gave her chocolate. In the end she won a Hershey cookbook.

It was a great night playing bunco for a higher cause. Helping future students attend OC.

"Who am I?" - Moses

 But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” 12 He said, “I will be with you; and this shall be the sign for you that it is I who sent you: when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall worship God on this mountain.” Exodus 3:11-12 (NRSV)

Moses is a story that I have always liked. In my childhood at bed time my little brother and I would listen to my dad read stories from the little children bible. You know the one, the selected stories with drawn pictures telling the story in a understanding way for the young age.  We could pick the story for him to read to us. 

Even at that young age, Moses, has been a calling to me. I would request every night to listen to the story of the baby in the basket. The faith that Moses' mother had by keeping him hidden and placing him in the blanket. As if she knew he was going to do something great. That God had a PLAN for him to do. A higher PURPOSE to serve his kingdom and his people.

For the last year I have been trying to figure out my purpose or what I want to do. Its a search for God's PLAN for me. 

This blog is my own way to share thoughts and discovers that I have made of God's PLAN for me. 

I feel some days that Moses is a kinder spirit of my mine. He was worried about what he could offer in the rescue of the Israelites. Moses wasn't a leader by choice but a leader by his calling. I worry about a lot of things in my life. I have a fear of public speaking like Moses did but because of the story of Moses I know that God is going to use me through my fears and my doubts. 

So...Who am I, God?

Evynn

An old one I made

1 Corinthians 7

How many of you wonder and yearn for a boyfriend? How many have you chased after love before you were ready? 

In Song of Solomon 2:7 "Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem, by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer: Don't excite love, don't stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you're ready. (MSG)"

God has a plan for you.

I have been falling in love with chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians. Paul talks about marriage. He defines marriage in a way. That the world has lost it.  He says

 "I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can't manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single. The Master did not give explicit direction regarding virgins, but as one much experienced in the mercy of the Master and loyal to him all the way, you can trust my counsel. Because of the current pressures on us from all sides, I think it would probably be best to stay just as you are. Are you married? Stay married. Are you unmarried? Don't get married. But there's certainly no sin in getting married, whether you're a virgin or not. All I am saying is that when you marry, you take on additional stress in an already stressful time, and I want to spare you if possible. (1 Corinthians 7:8, 25 MSG)"

Paul writes to the church in Corinth about marriage. He encourages many to stay unmarried as he is. In the CEB version, "But if they can’t control themselves, they should get married, because it’s better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:9 CEB)" In this culture in to today society marriage has become a joke. There is more unsuccessful marriages than successful ones.  Paul chases the rabbit hole  when he talks about staying in your place. He starts in verse 17 telling us to not wish to be somewhere else. God has a plan for you I the situation you are in.

Those who are single don't worry about having a boyfriend/girlfriend 

or wife/husband. In today society more people are focus on their relationship stance then following God. Should we fall God and let everything else fall in place? 

Calming of the Storm

Matthew 8:23-27

New International Version (NIV)

Jesus Calms the Storm

23 Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. 24 Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping.25 The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”

26 He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

27 The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”

In the month of July I partipate in my church's Drama Time for Vbs. This year we are doing Life of Christ. Today at practice we the calming of the storm a little ironic to the massive storm I now hear out side my window. I love being a part of this retelling of bible stories because I learn more about the story myself. I am not on stage much but I rather be that way because I have always been a watcher than a doer. 

A about an hour ago a huge storm hit the area where I live. While some were freaking out; I was enjoying listening to the storm because I do not fear it much anymore. I am not saying I do not have fear. This storm did not scare me. 

The director of show, a woman I respect and look up to,  constantly reminds us that Jesus is speaking to him us as well as the audience and displences he had. 

God calms all the storms from the weather to our lives.  My thoughts are slightly scattered because I am tires tonight. 

A Journey for a better "me"

I have tried to lose weight several times this is the first time that I have gotten this far. 

The lack of number on this little tracking thing is mostly because when I first got this app I weighed less than. 

Since I began this diet this time. I started this around June 14.I  have lost 14 lbs. I am proud of this new achievement. 

I am doing this for me. So I can better serve God and serve my purpose in this world. 

I do not know what is in the store for me but I hope to losing weight. I have a goal and I want to fulfill it this time.
This is a Journey for a better "me"

MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

20 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. 

Philippians 3:20-21

I am a poet. One thing I love is to write my words on paper. I written about crushes, my beliefs, things that inspire me.

I started writing when I was a freshman in high school. As I grown in my life and my walk with God the poems focus has changed. What once was a poem about guys and heart break become about God's will. I still write about guys but more on a striving for the right thing for the both of us.

I started a story called Someday about 3 to 4 years ago and this story is left un finished. My friends who have read it are encouraging me to finish it. I am going to try.

I enjoy adding a verse at the end of my blogs. So here is it.

If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. John 15:10 NIV

From, 
Evynn 

Mind is going everywhere at the moment so bare with me. I went to see a movie with my friends tonight and loved it. I loved going to see the movie with the girls. I was happy.

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As I was taking a friend home we talked about Ukraine. She was very positive that she was going to go again next year. I, however have learned in the last year nothing you think or say you are going to do.  Life can change in a matter of a second to a month, and year. I told my friend that I don't know if I am going back next year but God has a plan. He has a purpose for my life.

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Last night I was talking with one of the actors in the drama time show.  I told him that I loved being on the crew.  He told me he does not know how I could stay behind the scene because he wanted to be on the stage. Which I responded that I had stage fright.

As much as I like getting compliments. I hate the stares of everyone and being the center of attention to everyone.  I like the shadows, part of me would be content on the sidelines letting my friends live my life. But there a part of me that conflicts this. I want to be noticed yet when I am I get scared.  God has a plan and a purpose even if the spotlight scares me.

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I have stage fright from talking to the people who really matter to me. There are some people that I really care what they think. I tend to not to be able to talk to the guys I like. A question I always wonder. What am I scared of?  Why can I not talk to him?

I have always been better hiding behind facebook messenger, texting, writing notes since my middle school years. I can put myself out there before actually putting myself out there. Some people do not understand why I can message them but not say hi in person. I am getting better at talking in person. However I do not know if I will freeze next time I can see a guy I like.

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This probably sounds stupid to you. I am kind of rolling around in self pity yet I am working this out for myself and I am tired of holding it in any longer.  I have pushed people away. I still pray for them and I still want the best for them.

In the last time I liked a guy I prayed so hard that God will to be done and for him to be happy with the other girl if he liked her.  I still pray for his happiness and God's will to be done.
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 A woman I truly admire told me I was perfect because I always cared about people. She told me this after I said I still care about my ex boyfriend and friend.  That comment struck me.  I never been paid a comment like that.

God has a plan for me and everyone that I meet. For if they are meant to stay in my life or leave it.

But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.

Exodus 9:15-17 

Love,
Evynn

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Put your comments below. Thanks for reading. 

I have been lost but Jesus found me.

This morning at church my preacher was talking about the three parables in Luke chapter 15. The Lost Coin, Lost Sheep, and Lost Son three parables that answer the one question the Pharisees ask. For a visual he talk about if my youth minster had left some one in St. Louis at Six Flags. 

From where I was sitting I was giggling because about four or five years ago in August I and a friend of mine was left at our hotel when they were heading home. During the lesson I was sitting next to one of my best friends and we were sitting in front of my youth ministers, his wife, and his oldest son. His oldest son jokes, "Where Evynn?" While all of us were laughing quietly. Our own private little joke ever since then when we went anywhere as youth for the next year. They joked "Where's Evynn?"

The visual struck with me since I have been lost like this. I was found once again when they picked me up but the first realization between both of us was taking turns freaking out. We sat in the lobby of the hotel while we called people in the group to let them know that we were still at the hotel. I remember that we sat and watched the tv in the lobby of the hotel. The show was Chuck Norris show Texas Ranger until we were picked up.  The whole story is funny now but it was a little scary at the time. 

In Luke chapter 15 has three different places where they rejoice in something lost and was found again first in 

• Luke 15:6-7 
• 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.
• Luke 15: 9-10 
• 9 And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’ 10 In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
• Luke 15:22-24, 32
• 22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

I was lost in sin but Jesus found me. 

Evynn