Mind is going everywhere at the moment so bare with me. I went to see a movie with my friends tonight and loved it. I loved going to see the movie with the girls. I was happy.

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As I was taking a friend home we talked about Ukraine. She was very positive that she was going to go again next year. I, however have learned in the last year nothing you think or say you are going to do.  Life can change in a matter of a second to a month, and year. I told my friend that I don't know if I am going back next year but God has a plan. He has a purpose for my life.

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Last night I was talking with one of the actors in the drama time show.  I told him that I loved being on the crew.  He told me he does not know how I could stay behind the scene because he wanted to be on the stage. Which I responded that I had stage fright.

As much as I like getting compliments. I hate the stares of everyone and being the center of attention to everyone.  I like the shadows, part of me would be content on the sidelines letting my friends live my life. But there a part of me that conflicts this. I want to be noticed yet when I am I get scared.  God has a plan and a purpose even if the spotlight scares me.

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I have stage fright from talking to the people who really matter to me. There are some people that I really care what they think. I tend to not to be able to talk to the guys I like. A question I always wonder. What am I scared of?  Why can I not talk to him?

I have always been better hiding behind facebook messenger, texting, writing notes since my middle school years. I can put myself out there before actually putting myself out there. Some people do not understand why I can message them but not say hi in person. I am getting better at talking in person. However I do not know if I will freeze next time I can see a guy I like.

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This probably sounds stupid to you. I am kind of rolling around in self pity yet I am working this out for myself and I am tired of holding it in any longer.  I have pushed people away. I still pray for them and I still want the best for them.

In the last time I liked a guy I prayed so hard that God will to be done and for him to be happy with the other girl if he liked her.  I still pray for his happiness and God's will to be done.
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 A woman I truly admire told me I was perfect because I always cared about people. She told me this after I said I still care about my ex boyfriend and friend.  That comment struck me.  I never been paid a comment like that.

God has a plan for me and everyone that I meet. For if they are meant to stay in my life or leave it.

But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.

Exodus 9:15-17 

Love,
Evynn

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Put your comments below. Thanks for reading.