Anxiety beats Fear of Missing OUT

Sometimes I really hate my brain... or is it my heart?!?!?!?!

That part of the body that gives you so much grief when you feel anxiety.  There has handful times on this job where i have felt anxious about doing beforehand but when I do it. I am just fine. A lot of times what drives me is the fear of missing something, an inside joke, a memory, or anything at all. Just for an instance, I never wanted to miss the youth events at church. So this made it difficult to see my grandparents.

However some things will knock out that drive. 

I sometimes consider myself an awkward person. That is not something that I pride myself on and when I get into these awkward moods I try to avoid awkward situations. Example if someone is mad at me I would try avoiding that person. Do not make eye contact with the beast (or the person that dislikes you).  I have personal rules for a reason.

This is especially disconcerting when I am in need of human contact and I am knocked out of that drive. Today, I could have done something with some of my friends but I was thrown off by someone in the same general area. This avoidance was not only for my own well being but the well being of others. However I am regretting the decision because of missing out on that great love ones who were there. 

During this Internship, I have learned how to step out of my shell more and more when it comes to teaching and disciplining. I have also learned a little bit more about how not to make promises.

I still dislike the limelight in front of a ton of people i.e. when singing chicky chicky getting called up to the stage or if I am called up for the front to pray for something. I may try to shrink back or stand beside the stage.

In some cases with people that dislike me tend to glare and gives me more limelight than I want. There has been times when I have been Passive Aggressive and just go and where the dislikers are.

I pray for guidance on these things and pray that I won't let fear or anxiety rule my life for people will not like me in the future. I might have to even work with some.  

In other news I have finished reading my copy of When Helping Hurts. 

So it is up for borrowing if you want to read it. I highly recommended it. It is one that I am going to be reading now and again. Just let me know in the comments below.

Love,
Evynn